Changes
by BelovedOne
Summary: Elliot’s been hiding something from Olivia, and when it finally comes out, their relationship will change forever. Olivia will be there for him...but at what cost? ...UPDATED! CHAPTER 4 IS UP!... What happens when you have too much to drink?
1. Tears

**Title:** "Changes"

**Author:** BelovedOne _aka_ AmandaTeryl725

**Rating:** T (for some adult language and themes)

**Pairing(s):** Olivia/Elliot

**Category:** Angst, Romance, Humor (some)

**Status:** WIP

**Chapter:** 1?

**Spoilers:** _Doubt_ (Season 6)

**Warnings:** Contains adult language, some adult themes, and it gets darker before it gets better. Also, I feel that I should warn you about my weird sense of humor. Consider yourself warned.

**Summary:** Elliot's been hiding something from Olivia, and when it finally comes out, their relationship will change forever. Olivia will be there for him, but at what cost?

**Disclaimer:** _Law & Order: Special Victims Unit_ is not mine, has never been mine, and will never be mine, so help me God.

**Author's Note:** I started writing this soon after the episode aired… I went NUTS when it was announced that Elliot and Kathy were separated – I am a _major_ Elliot/Olivia shipper, and that episode gave me hope that perhaps one day we'd actually get to see two of our favorite detectives get together! There will be some darker stuff later on, but I've also got my trademark sense of humor stamped all over this one, just to lighten the mood a little (_I_ think my stuff is kinda funny, anyways). Please review and let me know what you think. I've got the next chapter pretty much ready to post, so you guys say the word, and I'll put it up. It'll probably be a little while before I get back on so please be patient – between work and college and homework and family and everything else that I've got going on, I've got a damn full plate, and it just keeps getting fuller. Oh, well. On the bright side, SVU's on this Tuesday, and it's NEW! bounces off the walls Yippee! Too bad it's the season finale, though! Anyways… _on with the story!_

-/-

**CHANGES**

_Chapter One: Tears_

Olivia studied her partner from her place behind her desk, watching as he sighed, flicked through a few pages of the report he was working on, and sighed again. He drew a hand across his face, looking for all the world like a lost little boy.

She couldn't believe he hadn't told her about Kathy leaving him. She wondered how long ago it had happened, and what events had led up to it. She shuddered to think of him spending night after night alone in that big, empty house of his.

She was startled when he suddenly threw down the sheaf of papers he held, rose from his seat, and left the room. She followed, grabbing both their coats and making her way up to the roof. She slipped hers over her shoulders as she peered around the rooftop, catching sight of movement in one darkened corner. She was at his side in an instant, and was horrified to find him curled into a semi-fetal position, his knees drawn up to his chest as his arms hugged them, his eyes staring straight ahead as tears streamed down his cheeks, and his body rocking back and forth slightly.

"Oh, Elliot," she whispered, her arms encircling him as he stopped moving. He was stiff in her embrace for a long moment, before he finally gave in to the comfort she was offering. He threw his arms around her, holding her tightly as if afraid she might leave him, too. He was making soft little sounds, whimpers almost, and he buried his face in her neck, his tears wet against her skin as his body shook in near-silent sobs. Olivia's heart broke as she held him, and she pressed a kiss to the top of his head, her own eyes filling with tears as she rocked him a little, freeing one hand long enough to drape his coat over his shoulders.

_Damn you, Kathy,_ she thought. _How could you do this to him?_

-/-

A little over an hour later, Cragen found them like that, she cradling him as he slept fitfully. Olivia looked up into the eyes of the man she thought of as a father, and knew he understood her own thoughts without her having to voice them. He simply nodded, assured that Elliot was in good hands, and left.

Olivia gave Elliot a little squeeze, as if to reassure herself that he was still there. One of her hands rested on his chest, the steady _thump thump thump_ of his heart calming her; her other stroked his cheek lightly, feeling the dried tracks made by his earlier tears.

She forced herself to remain still as one of his hands slid up her body, following her natural contours, brushing her breast and tracing her collarbone. His hand moved further up, caressing her cheek, and she leaned into the touch.

Tears welled up in her eyes again as she realized that he must think she was Kathy. She felt sure of this when he murmured softly, "I love you."

Closing her eyes, she bit her lip before whispering a reply: "I love you, too, Elliot."

He seemed to settle at her words, and she gave in to the pain, her body trembling ever-so-slightly as she cried silently.

His hand still rested against her cheek when she drifted off to sleep.

Her coat slipped off her shoulders, and she began to shiver.

-/-

_AN: Review! Review!Can't you see me begging you pitifully here? Please review!_


	2. Tired

Disclaimer: _Law & Order: Special Victims Unit_ is not mine, has never been mine, and will never be mine, so help me God. Honest. I can wish, though, right? Besides, you'd know if it was mine – Alex would be back, Casey would be her partner, Elliot and Olivia would be married with a kid on the way, and Munch and Fin would still be driving each other nuts! (shakes head sadly) So you see? They're not mine. (sniffs) Anybody have a Kleenex?

Maraudergrl99: Thanks!

tria246815: Yes, I agree. Olivia is a great friend to Elliot! And he needs one right now, even if he won't admit it!

emotionless04: Here's another chapter! Hope you like it!

tapmastaflash22: Thank you!

kathleen: I'm glad you enjoyed it! Hopefully you'll enjoy this chapter, too!

Spikey the Neon BlowFish: I _know_! I was going NUTS for days afterward, bouncing off walls! I was so excited! I still am! I am hoping that Dick Wolf will have at least a minor change of heart, and give us a little Olivia/Elliot shippyness to make us happy! We can hope, right?

Tia: Thank you very much! I think so, too! Here's more of the story for ya!

April Brown: Thanks so much for your review! And having Olivia yell at Kathy is a good idea, but I'm focusing more on the relationship (or lack thereof) between Elliot and Olivia. Maybe myself or someone else can have that idea in another story though! (Believe me, I would like to yell at her for what she did to him, too!)

bluejaybaby2010: Eventually I will get to the point of them admitting their love for each other, but first they will have to suffer a little longer because they're both too stubborn to admit how they feel about each other! Anyways, Elliot doesn't realize he said "I love you" out loud, and Olivia thinks he was dreaming about Kathy. Hmm… I wonder what he was dreaming about?

ΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩ

**CHANGES**

_Chapter Two: Tired_

Elliot awoke several hours later, feeling truly rested for the first time in ages. He froze. Lifting his head, he peered up into the face of his partner, and had to force himself not to jerk out of her grasp. She was sleeping rather soundly, but her eyes were red, as if she'd been crying. Why would she be crying? He realized then what had awakened him. She was shivering violently, her coat lying in a crumpled heap on the ground beside her. He withdrew from her arms, and pulled her close, drawing the jacket up and over her shoulders. He then threaded his arms into the sleeves of his own coat one at a time, and stood, cradling her carefully as he made his way back down to the squad room. Only Cragen remained there, the lights dimmed and the room eerily quiet. He came out of his office, mid-way through the motions of shrugging on his overcoat, and spotted Elliot standing in the middle of the large room, his sleeping partner in his arms. He moved immediately to the younger man's side, gesturing that he should hand over the unconscious woman. Elliot opened his mouth to argue, but the look on Cragen's face was enough to make him reconsider the argument he'd been about to start, and he was quickly relieved of his precious burden. Cragen then led the way outside, to the parking area, and he gently loaded the sleeping detective into the back seat of his car, while herding Elliot toward his own vehicle. When he finally got the distraught man sent off, he started his car, and drove slowly through the streets of New York until he reached Olivia's apartment building. He pulled out the key that Eliott, Fin, Munch, and himself now had copies of – Elliot had originally been the only one with a key, but by now all four men in the unit had keys to her apartment. That might seem a bit odd to some, but they were family – Olivia was like a daughter to him, and a little sister to John and Fin; he wasn't sure how to classify Elliot's feelings for Olivia in this equation. They were protective of her, and, naturally, they had each managed to con a key out of her. He retrieved the exhausted woman and climbed the stairs to her apartment. He let himself in – a process made difficult, at best, by the fact that Olivia decided to wriggle around in his arms to find a more comfortable position – and quickly acclimated himself to his dark surroundings, bumping his shins several times as he made his way to her bedroom. Opting out of changing her into more comfortable clothes – he knew that it would only embarrass her – he simply tugged off her boots and socks, tucked her into bed, and left a note on her counter.

With one last look at the woman he thought of as the little girl he'd never had, he left.

ΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩ

Elliot pulled into his driveway, got out of his car, and dragged himself up the walkway. He stopped on the front porch, staring at the door. Finally, he let himself in, climbed the stairs slowly, and fell into bed in the guest room, where he'd taken to sleeping since Kathy had moved out. He often walked through the house at night, sitting for what sometimes turned into hours in each of the children's rooms. Tonight, he was tired. Too tired. He stripped, dropped his clothes in a pile on the floor, pulled on a clean pair of boxers, and fell into bed. As he drifted off into a troubled sleep, he thought he heard the sound of a car in the driveway.

ΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩ

Cragen watched the shadow of one of his best detectives move around the upstairs bedroom. A few moments later, the light went off, and he knew Elliot would be all right, at least for the night.

He just couldn't be sure what was going to happen next.

And that worried him.

ΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩ

AN: REVIEW! Tell me what you think! (Sorry for the short chapter by the way! The next one will be _much_ longer! Promise!)


	3. Awakenings

**Disclaimer:** Law & Order does _not_ belong to me, has _never_ belonged to me, and _will never_ belong to me, so help me God!

**Disclaimer2:** _The Kitchen_ is a real restaurant in Enumclaw, Washington. It has the greatest food, and good service. It's tiny, but it's a community place! I eat there every time I visit my family, and they literally know the entire family's favorite orders by heart! Sandy also exists; she is a waitress there, and I think she is the sweetest gal! I decided to use this restaurant because of how much I love it. I think of this as a little mini-dedication for the great times I've had there. Oh, and their pancakes really _are_ as big as I describe them! I swear! Really! Go visit the place next time you're in Enumclaw!

**AN:** Here it is! Chapter three! Finally! Sorry it took so long – RL is interfering with my writing more than usual, and I have had to scramble to finish several different school assignments on time, including the HUGE final exam for Anatomy/Physiology. That was _not_ fun. At all. I never ever ever ever ever ever wanna take an Anatomy course again. Anyways, I am having issues with a rather unkind review I received from a less-than-supportive reader, and I need to clear the air. Firstly, this is not strictly canon; it follows the canon storyline only to the extent of Kathy leaving Elliot. After that, it's free game for me. I will take this in whatever direction I please, and I have no problems with that. I find it unfortunate and very, very sad that a reader on this site could be so strongly against an author's creativity. The characters will not be perfectly in character. After all, El and Liv aren't together on the _real_ show, are they? And I'm gonna tell you right know, they _will_ be by the end of this story. Why? Because I say so. Pick up the latest addition of TV Guide. It's hard to miss. Has a BIIIIIG picture of our favorite couple on the front, and a great article inside in which the ACTORS THEMSELVES state that A LOT of us fans want their characters together. And I'm pretty much quoting the article when I say that Mariska proclaimed that she won't leave the show until she and Chris's characters make out! Also good news is that she and Chris Meloni are BOTH signed on for the next two seasons definitely, and hopefully many, many more after that! Keep your fingers crossed!

Now, if any of y'all are still with me, please continue on down to the thank-yous for the previous chapter's reviewers, and then go ahead and read my newest chapter. Don't forget to review this one and tell me what you think!

**Note:** Unless you are the anonymous reviewer "Annoyed Viewer," you can skip the next huge paragraph. It's just my reply to the rather rude review I received from them. Thanks so much to the rest of you!

_Annoyed Viewer_ – I am sorry that you feel so strongly about my Elliot and Olivia being so completely out of character. And no, this is NOT a "fairy tale" as you put it. It is simply the wish of a dedicated fan who REALLY wants Elliot and Olivia to get together. If you can't handle that, then you shouldn't be reading any of my stories, or most of the others posted on this site. If you are still reading this, then 1) Elliot's wife had just left him, taking their children with her! Wouldn't YOU be a little upset? I realize that the "real" Elliot probably wouldn't act like that, but I am allowed a little lee-way as a fanfiction writer, don't you think? I see people writing characters _way_ more out of character than mine are, but I don't go around flaming them for it. Perhaps I should have labeled this as a slight AU. 2) El and Liv were officially off-duty, which I suppose I should have stated more clearly. Olivia was showing support for her partner, which he desperately needed, and Cragen went along with it because he knew Elliot needed someone to help him along through the tough time he was going through. 3) Cragen is strong, and Olivia doesn't way _that_ much. I have seen a _woman_ Olivia's size carrying a _man_ bigger than Cragen, and she was able to get him from point A to point B with no problems. So it IS possible, you just refuse to accept that. Try having a little imagination next time. That's what this site is all about.

_LuthienGranger2004_ – No cable or TV? THE HORROR! I am SO sorry! I sincerely wish there was something I could do to help! After all, Lack-of-Law-and-Order Syndrome can be _very_ serious, especially the Special Victims Unit type. -_shudders_- I don't know how you do it! Thanks you kindly for taking the time to review! I hope you get at least a partial SVU "fix" when you read the stories posted here! Happy reading!

_CincyRedsAllTheWay05_ – Thank you very much!

_heartandy112_ – I agree! "Salute to the Olivia/Elliot shippers of the world" indeed! I am sure that Cragen will understand and not get in the way of an Olivia/Elliot 'ship. Wait – of course he won't! I'M the writer, aren't I? So I'M the boss, and _I_ say he won't! See? No problem. Cragen will be 100 percenthappy for them! (probably after he pretends to be disappointed with them for breaking the rules lol) Thanks for the support!

_Faded Pictures _– Yes, the Cragen/Olivia father-daughter stuff makes me very happy, which means it shows up in my writing a lot! Has anyone guessed yet that I'm a Daddy's girl at heart? -_grins_- And Olivia/Elliot RULES! -_BIG grin_- Thank you for reviewing! Hope you keep reading!

_psalm57_ – Thank you! I love Cragen, too! -_grins_-

_Chronicleofabutterfly_ – Here's the MORE MORE MORE ya asked me for! I'm so glad you like it! Thank you for you support!

_chrisluver_ – Thanks! Love the screenname, by the way!

_tianathetiger_ – Thank you! I don't think there's gonna be any tantrums (or tummyaches), but I'll keep them in mind, just in case! -_winks_-

_cara_ – Thanks, I've just always seen Cragen as a kind of father figure to his squad, especially Olivia, and I wanted that to play a part in this story.

**CHANGES**

_Chapter Three: Awakenings_

Olivia awoke with a start, her eyes widening when she caught sight of her alarm clock's display – 8:45AM.

"Shit!" she cried, scrambling up out of the mess of blankets she found herself tangled in. She looked down at herself, realizing that she was still dressed in her clothes from yesterday. _What the hell…?_

She ran her fingers through her hair, her thoughts racing. She remembered last night, falling asleep still holding Elliot… Damn it. Had he brought her home? And how? He would've had to… carry her… All color drained from her face as she groaned in embarrassment.

"Oh, geez." She scrubbed her face vigorously with her hands to wake herself completely, and then went out to her kitchen, where she noticed a slip of paper lying on the counter. He picked it up, her eyes scanning the note's contents quickly. She recognized the Captain's handwriting, but wasn't sure if she was relieved or not at the thought that it might have been _him_ that carried her, and not Elliot.

_Olivia_

_You were exhausted. You crashed, and Elliot looked like he was asleep on his feet. I sent him home, which is where I'll be going next, to check on him. Don't worry. Hope you slept well. And 'Liv? Talk to him. I think he needs you more than anything right now. I know you'll be there for him no matter what. _

_Don_

_PS – Take the day off. You deserve it._

She took a deep breath. This wasn't going to be easy, but she needed to be strong for Elliot. She had to support him, help him get through this at all costs. Even if it meant pushing away her love for him.

ΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩ

Elliot was startled out of a sound sleep by the shrill ringing of a phone. Cracking an eye, he glared at the offending object: his cell phone.

Heaving a great sigh, he hit the 'talk' button and said, "Hello?"

"Elliot?"

"Yeah."

"You all right?"

"Would you believe me if I said yes?"

"No."

"Then no, I'm not."

"Well, you've got the day off. Take it easy, will ya?"

"What about Liv?"

"She's got the day off, too."

"Oh. All right. The whole day?"

A heavy sigh could be heard on the other end of the line. "Yes, Elliot. The _whole_ day. All 24 hours. You're not back on 'til tomorrow."

"But—"

"No 'buts,' Elliot. Stay. At. Home. That's an order." Before Elliot could object, there was a soft _click_, and he realized he'd been hung up on. He stared at the phone for a long moment before finally hitting 'end' and tossing it back onto the nightstand.

His mind wandered back to yesterday, when he'd awoken in Olivia's arms. That had been the best sleep he'd had in years, and his dream… His dream had been beautiful, and vivid.

_He held Olivia in his arms, her back against his chest as she rested between his legs. Their hands rested on her round belly, feeling their baby kicking and rolling within her. Their wedding rings winked playfully in the sunlight as they watched their three-year-old daughter fly down the slide into her Uncle Fin's arms. He threw her up into the air, making her shriek with laughter, and caught her. Uncle John then stole the child from his partner's arms, running several feet before collapsing into a heap of arms and legs, dropping kisses on her cheeks and forehead as he exclaimed that he'd rescued her from the horrible monster. The child giggled and firmly corrected him, stating that her 'Unca Fin' wasn't a monster, he was just big. They all laughed at that, Munch looking a little put-out that she hadn't sided with him. He tugged gently at one of her pigtails, a few dark curls escaping the rubber band and framing her delicate features. Her deep brown eyes were alight with mischief as she tackled her honorary uncle._

_Beside him and Olivia on their picnic blanket, 'Auntie' Alex and 'Aunt' Casey grinned at the girl's antics, and 'Grandpa' Don shook his head at the childishness of the all-male half of his team. Olivia turned her head to look up at Elliot, a soft half-smile gracing her lips, and he brushed a kiss across her mouth, his arms tightening a little around her. One of his hands wandered up her side, tracing the curves of her hip and breast and dancing across her collarbone before brushing his knuckles against her cheek._

"_I love you," he said, his breath tickling her ear, and she placed her hand alongside his jaw, her dark eyes meeting his as she kissed him lightly and whispered, "I love you, too, Elliot."_

His heart ached as he thought of their child, a beautiful little girl who'd looked just like her mother. He imagined their second child would have been a boy, one with his hair and her eyes and coloring. He closed his eyes, shivering at the memory of holding Olivia in his arms, able to express his love for her so openly, feeling their unborn baby moving inside her. It had felt so _real_, as if he were actually touching her. He tried to shake off the strange feeling, but it wouldn't go away. He sighed.

He wanted all of that so badly… but he knew Olivia didn't feel that way about him. She'd never shown anything more than a platonic interest in him. And while she might have that 'sixth sense' about him, knowing subconsciously when he enters the room she's in, she's never reacted the way he does to her. Whenever Elliot saw his partner, he was left breathless by her beauty and the fluid grace of her movements. Her hair fell in lovely waves around her face—she was keeping it a little longer now, much to his joy—and her eyes were so soulful and expressive, even though pain lurked within their depths. She'd been through so much in her life, and still she persevered. He admired her strength, and her dedication to her work. And even after all these years of working together as partners, she still took his breath away. He'd had to will away his body's reaction to her more than once in recent months—hell, if he was honest with himself, he'd taken more cold showers than hot for the past two years. Guilt still ate away at him for that first year-and-a-half that he'd been truly attracted to her, since he'd still been married. He learned to control himself much better around Olivia, but after Kathy left him, he'd had trouble whenever she was near him. The proximity of her body, the light scent of her perfume combined with a fragrance that was all Olivia, all served to make his struggle to maintain his composure that much harder.

His head dropped into his hands. He wasn't going to get any more sleep now. He rolled out of bed, his bare feet hitting the cold floor with a dull _thud_. The random thought that wooden floors in a bedroom was never a good idea passed through his mind without him really noticing it, so focused was he on his goal of getting to the kitchen to turn on the coffee maker. It rumbled to life, making a strange grating noise as it began to produce the dark, bitter liquid he so badly needed. He winced at the sound, realizing that it was time to start looking for a new coffee maker. When the pot had filled up, he filled a mug, dropped a spoonful of sugar in, and took a sip. He immediately spat it out in the sink, gagging a little at the horrible taste. _Damn,_ he thought to himself, _that's worse than the coffee at the station!_ He poured himself a cup of water and gargled a few mouthfuls to get rid of the nasty taste. Apparently, he'd be going _out_ for coffee this morning.

ΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩ

An hour later, Elliot pulled up to _The Kitchen_. It was a small mom-and-pop restaurant that he favored; he'd stopped here for breakfast on his way to work more times over the years than he could count. He climbed out of the car, locked it up, and went inside, his stomach growling at the delicious smells floating out of the kitchen area.

He sat down at the small, three-stool bar counter, avoiding the other ten booths and tables intended for couples and families. Laughter could be heard from the opposite corner of the small, cozy room, and baby was babbling in her high chair several tables away. A tall, pink-cheeked woman with straw-colored hair appeared at his elbow, smiling widely.

"Elliot! Wonderful to see you! It's been a while since you've been in here! What can I get you? The regular?"

He nodded. "Thanks, Sandy."

"Ah, pleasure's all mine. It'll be up in a jiffy."

She moved to the counter behind the bar, lifting a pot of coffee from its heated base. He held out his mug for her to fill, and then ripped open a packet of sugar, pouring it in. He then dribbled a little milk in, just for good measure, stirred it carefully with his spoon, and lifted the steaming beverage to his lips, taking a long sip. His eyes drifted shut as he savored the flavor… Sandy always had made the best coffee around. Better than _Starbucks_, even. Ten minutes later, Sandy reappeared with his order, setting two plates in front of him and grabbing a container of syrup from behind the bar. He stared down at the enormous pancake, amazed as always at the abnormally large portion sizes _The Kitchen_ was famous for. The damn thing was a good ten inches across, and was a perfect golden brown, just the way he liked it. Kathy had never been able to get pancakes to come out this way—for that matter, neither had he—but he could always count on it here. On the second plate was a heaping mound of extra-crispy hashbrowns and a good-sized pile of scrambled eggs. Licking his lips, he set to work on the pancake first, downing three-quarters of it in five minutes flat before moving on to the eggs and hashbrowns.

He froze as a familiar prickling sensation crept up the back of his neck. Ten seconds later, Olivia plopped down on the stool beside him, and turned to greet him.

"Hey, El. Figured you'd be here." She looked down at his meal. "Geez, ya get enough to eat!"

He shrugged, grinning at her. She took the fork from his unmoving hand and pilfered a few bites of his pancake before inhaling half his eggs and a third of his hashbrowns.

"Full?" he asked her, shaking his head.

She patted her belly and thought for a moment. "Nope!" She reached for the fork she'd set down, but he got to it first.

"No way, you little thief! This is _my_ breakfast! Get your own!"

She pouted for a moment before calling Sandy over and ordering her own pancake, scrambled eggs, and extra-crispy hashbrowns. He shook his head at how eerily alike they were, and went back to eating his breakfast. He swatted her hand when it darted out to snatch another bite of food, but she still managed to escape with a bit of his pancake. She dunked it in the extra syrup that had gathered on his plate, and then popped it in her mouth, savoring the delicious taste.

He tried to glare at her, but was unable to prevent himself from giving her an ear-to-ear grin when he saw the drop of syrup that clung to her chin. He reached over and wiped it off with his thumb, bringing it to his mouth and sucking the sweet concoction from the sticky digit. He froze when he realized what he'd done, and slowly, his gaze turned to his partner, who was sitting perfectly still on her stool, staring at him. Her cheeks were flushed pink, and she looked embarrassed.

"I'm sorry, 'Liv, I shouldn't have done that—"

Olivia was startled by the sound of his voice, and shook her head to clear it. She fought back the wave of arousal that had swept over her, struggling to push away the image of Elliot sucking the syrup off his thumb. She shivered, feeling her cheeks burning in response to the thoughts running through her mind. His touch had sent a shot of pleasure down her spine, leaving her wanting more.

"I—" She damned her voice as it cracked. "It's all right, El. You didn't do anything wrong." She shrugged nonchalantly. "Forget about it."

His eyes were cast downward as he turned back to his breakfast, finishing it silently.

ΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩ

PLEASE REVIEW!

**AN2:** What did you guys think of the dream sequence? Kind cheesy, I know, but I wanted it to be sweet. If you look back at the second scene in chapter one, you'll understand what happened then. Elliot and Olivia, however, shall remain clueless. As usual. Elliot doesn't know he said it aloud, and Olivia thinks he was talking to Kathy. shakes head They're both too thick-headed to get it on the first go-round. It'll take a few more tries, and possibly some banging of heads against the wall (whether theirs or mine, I'm not sure) before they get their act together and ride off into the sunset. OK, not exactly like that, but you catch my drift... right?


	4. Drunk

**Disclaimer:** Law & Order does _not_ belong to me, has _never_ belonged to me, and _will never_ belong to me, so help me God!

**Rating:** Mature – Adult themes

**AN:** This is a very dark chapter… however, considering you are all obviously fans of _Special Victims Unit_, I am sure that you'll be able to handle it. Despite this, I am going to warn you right now – there is an extended scene of violence that makes up much of this chapter, and I am sorry if it offends anyone. This is what my muse gave me, and I couldn't get it out of my head. And, in spite of my mind telling me that I should change it, and go along a happier route, my heart told me that this needed to be written. So I am hoping that you will all take this in stride… and keep in mind, not only is Elliot _drunk_, he is also still recovering from the loss of his wife and children. So please, don't flame me until you've really considered what is going through that poor man's mind. I'm sorry if this changes anyone's outlook on this story, or makes anyone stop reading it. Please know that I am not out to scare anyone off. I'm just trying to express myself. There will be a brighter future in store for them, so don't worry. Now, if you're up to it, please read on – and maybe leave me a little review to let me know if you like it or not. You won't offend me if you think it's terrible… just don't flame me to death. Tell me in a constructive way. And also keep in mind that this is the kind of stuff you see on the show every time you watch it. Read on…

_Previously, on "Changes":_

_Olivia took a deep breath. This wasn't going to be easy, but she needed to be strong for Elliot. She had to support him, help him get through this at all costs. Even if it meant pushing away her love for him._

………

_Elliot tried to glare at Olivia, but was unable to prevent himself from giving her an ear-to-ear grin when he saw the drop of syrup that clung to her chin. He reached over and wiped it off with his thumb, bringing it to his mouth and sucking the sweet concoction from the sticky digit. He froze when he realized what he'd done, and slowly, his gaze turned to his partner, who was sitting perfectly still on her stool, staring at him. Her cheeks were flushed pink, and she looked embarrassed._

"_I'm sorry, 'Liv, I shouldn't have done that—"_

_Olivia was startled by the sound of his voice, and shook her head to clear it. She fought back the wave of arousal that had swept over her, struggling to push away the image of Elliot sucking the syrup off his thumb. She shivered, feeling her cheeks burning in response to the thoughts running through her mind. His touch had sent a shot of pleasure down her spine, leaving her wanting more._

"_I—" She damned her voice as it cracked. "It's all right, El. You didn't do anything wrong." She shrugged nonchalantly. "Forget about it."_

_His eyes were cast downward as he turned back to his breakfast, finishing it silently._

And now, story continues…

**CHANGES**

_Chapter Four: Drunk_

Nine hours later found them both sitting at the bar of a pub near her apartment, knocking back shot after shot of whiskey in an effort to forget the feelings they had for one another. They'd spent the entire day together, having nothing else to do with their unexpected forced leave. They'd wandered around, window shopping for awhile, then had lunch in a cozy little café a few blocks away. The ridiculously domestic nature of their adventures hadn't escaped their notice.

They were in the middle of an argument about who was drunker when Olivia suddenly hiccupped, which made her giggle. His mouth dropped open, and then he began to laugh. A few moments later, he let out a loud belch, which sent her into another fit of giggles.

"Ellll, wa's goin' on wi' you an' Ka—Ka—Kaf—Kathy?" She asked once she'd calmed, her words slurred.

"Da papersh are in fer da d—d—divorsh. We jus' signed 'em da udder day. She hates my job. Says I work too mush. An' she think's 'm shleepin' wi' you."

Olivia looked stricken—as stricken as a drunk woman can look, anyway—and blinked owlishly several times before replying, "Well, tha's not true. A' coursh, God knowsh I wan' to."

He stared at her for a long moment, until his vision began to swim. "Really? Me, too!"

"Wow! Sho you wants ta shleep wi' me, an' I wanna shleep wi' you. Tha's wild!"

"Yeah!" he said enthusiastically. He promptly forgot what exactly it was that he was being enthusiastic _about _and peered myopically into the bottom of his empty shot glass.

"So how 'bout we get outta here an' go back to my place?" Olivia said. She was already starting to sober up. He was still drunk as a skunk, and would be for quite some time; he'd had six shots to her three.

"Shure. Le's go." Elliot slid off of his stool, nearly collapsing as his knees gave way beneath his weight, and with Olivia's help, staggered out of the bar. She hailed a cab, and they climbed in. She gave the cabbie her address, and they rode in silence for several minutes. Elliot leaned against her, nuzzling her neck gently. Her eyes, which had drifted shut, flew open, and she turned her head far enough to look down at him. He buried his face in her neck, and she gasped when she felt his lips against her skin. Her reaction time was slowed; before she could push him away, his mouth rose to plunder hers, and she was lost. She moaned softly, bringing her hands up to cradle his face. Their tongues dueled, each battling for dominance. The spell was broken when the cab jerked to a stop, and she realized abruptly where they were. She flushed red with embarrassment, tugging Elliot out of the cab and into her apartment building. She dragged him to the elevator, the doors sliding open an instant after she hit the "up" button. Elliot surged upward in her grip, pushing her against the wall of the elevator and thrusting his tongue into her mouth to explore its depths. She groped the control panel, searching for the right button – it was the one with the chip on the left side – and hit it, unable to tear herself away from the man who had so long ago claimed her heart, and now had her body melting like butter in his capable hands. The elevator door slid open, and they stumbled out, breaking their embrace. He grabbed at her as they made their way down the hallway, his touch becoming increasingly rough as they progressed. By the time they reached her door, he was bordering on violent. He never crossed that line, however; not then, and not during the time that was to come. He was forceful, and he was unrelenting, but he never struck her or aimed to cause her serious physical injury. She managed to free herself long enough to open her door, and he followed her into the apartment, his gaze never leaving her. The instant she had the door shut, Elliot slammed her into the wall, his mouth moving over hers with a fierce passion and a fiery strength that frightened her. She let him do with her as he pleased, however, knowing that he needed this. And, truth be told, she needed it, too. He ran his hands up her sides, fondling her roughly, and she winced. He didn't notice; his gaze was fastened elsewhere as he focused entirely on the task of undressing her. He made quick work of her shirt, her pants and bra following quickly, and he nipped at the sensitive skin between her breasts, leaving a trail of bright red marks. His mouth closed over one nipple, tugging at it until she gasped. He moved to its twin, copying his motions until she responded similarly. One hand had already set to work sliding her panties down over her hips, letting them fall to the floor as he slid his fingers through her damp curls. She jumped slightly as he hit her pearl of pleasure, raking his fingernail over it before grinding into it with his thumb. She whimpered softly, but made no motion to fight him. _He needs this, he needs this, he needs this,_ she chanted in her mind, willing herself to relax even as he slipped three fingers inside her, causing her no small amount of pain as her body struggled to accommodate him without having been prepared. She cried out, and he took this to be an exclamation of pleasure, which only spurred him on. She bit her lip and reached for his jeans, unbuckling his belt and unzipping his fly before pushing his pants and boxers down. He growled low in his throat when she gripped him with both hands, and before she could ask him to wait a few moments longer, he rammed into her, drawing from her a pained cry that never reached his ears. He moved quickly in and out of her, and her head dropped back against the wall, her eyes closed as she held her lower lip between her teeth to keep her from showing him the pain she was in, pain _he_ was causing. She felt him shudder as he suddenly jerked within her, his seed splashing against her cervix. His legs gave out, and they slid down the wall, her back protesting the friction. She said nothing, however, knowing that any pain she felt was nothing compared to that which tore through Elliot's heart even now. She felt Elliot sag against her, and knew he'd passed out. She closed her eyes briefly before pulling away from him, feeling him slide out of her, followed by a flood of his fluids dripping down her thighs as she stood, her arms beneath his and hooked around his chest as she dragged him backwards to her bedroom. Once there, she hefted him up onto the bed, rolling him beneath the covers and tucking him in carefully. She watched him sleep for a moment before she went to take a quick shower. She washed herself gently, the blood on the warm cloth she was using telling her that he'd torn her a little. She gritted her teeth as she slid the material over her tiny button, the raw nerves there protesting the touch of the rough fabric. She let the hot water run over her for a minute or so, just standing under the spray as she finally let herself cry.

ΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩ

The next morning, she awoke to find Elliot gone. The bed was still warm where he'd been, so she knew he must still be in the apartment. Swallowing hard, she slid out from beneath the covers and walked out into the main room of the apartment, where she found Elliot trying to pull his jeans on. She'd dressed him partway last night, struggling with his heavy limbs as she pulled on his boxers and t-shirt. She, too, had pulled on a large t-shirt and her favorite pair of boxers.

Elliot was now staring at her, a horrified expression on his face. "Did we…?"

She sighed. He didn't remember last night. Steeling herself, she said, "No, El. We just had too much to drink, and since my place was closer, I brought you here and made you stay the night."

"But we were…" He trailed off, turning to look at the bedroom door.

"Ah, well, I started out on top of the covers, but I got cold. Hope you don't mind."

The relief that flooded his chiseled features made Olivia's chest tighten painfully.

"Uh, no, I don't mind." He cleared his throat. "Um, I gotta go. I…"

She waved away whatever it was that he'd been about to say, not meeting his gaze for fear of him seeing what this was doing to her. "Just go, El. I'll see you at work."

"Okay. Okay. Um, yeah. See you." He stumbled out the door, and Olivia closed it behind him, tears gathering in her eyes as her entire body trembled, sobs wracking her slim form as she covered her face with shaking hands.

ΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩ

Elliot stumbled onto the elevator just down the hallway from Olivia's apartment, leaning against the wall for support as he tried to remember something—_anything_—from last night. No such luck. He couldn't help but feel as if he'd done something terribly wrong, made some huge mistake. He'd been so relieved when Olivia had told him they hadn't slept together. He couldn't bear to think that he'd been with her, and couldn't remember it because he was drunk. The worst part was the fear that perhaps Olivia had given in to him out of pity, and had had sex with him, just to get him off her back. He'd been a burden to her lately, he could tell. She was tired, and short with everyone but him. However, he knew that this scenario his all-too-active imagination had come up with was impossible. Pity sex from Olivia? Oh, please! They'd never be together that way; she felt nothing but friendship towards him, forcing him to keep his love for her to himself. He shook his head as the elevator grated to a shaky halt on the ground floor of the building. He stepped out into the lobby, shielding his eyes from the bright sunlight shining in through the front windows. His headache, which had made itself known the instant he awoke, increased tenfold, making him wince. By the time he made it outside, his head was pounding so painfully that he was sure that the entire percussion section of a large band was now beating on the inside of his skull with drumsticks. Noticing the ringing that was steadily growing louder in his ears, he added a few of those annoying triangle instruments to his little imaginary band, just for good measure.

Elliot hailed a cab, falling into the backseat and managing to make his destination known to the driver, who took off with a jolt that made him groan.

This was going to be a _long_ day.

ΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩ

Once she'd pulled herself together, for the most part, Olivia dragged herself into the bedroom and pulled her shirt and boxers off. She stood in front of the full-length mirror, taking in the damage her body had sustained the previous evening. Her back was red, irritated by its little trip against the wall. There were finger-shaped bruises on her breasts and along her sides; the red marks he'd left between her breasts were now an ugly shade of brown, having turned into bruises overnight; there were livid purplish-red hickies all along her neck and shoulders; one earlobe bore a small bite mark; there were several finger-print-sized bruises on her jaw, along with a slight halo of bruising around her lips from the force of his kisses; and there were bluish-purple handprints on her hips, where he'd gripped her, and on her thighs, where he'd pried them apart. She ached deep inside, and the skin of her most intimate region was still very raw, with both her entrance and the tiny nub of flesh above it having been abused by a man who hadn't been able to control himself completely. She was glad he'd had some semblance of control; otherwise she would've been hurt far worse than she was now. She winced as she rotated her hips slightly, feeling a slight twinge as her inner muscles protested to the movement.

As she began to shake, she climbed back under the covers, curling up with the pillow that still held Elliot's scent. She lay there, awake and unmoving, for a long time. Finally, she drifted off to sleep, dried tear-tracks staining her cheeks.

ΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩ

_To be continued…_

**AN2:** So, what do you all think? Did anyone make it all the way through? Please review, if you're up to it. I'd really like to know if this is any good. RL sucks right now, and this is my only real escape. My job just got ten times harder – I love what I do, mind you, but I was just assigned a half-dozen new duties that I'm not looking forward to. I'm also still living at home, with my folks, and so I have to live by _their_ rules, and let's just say that they are… less than supportive… of my fanfic writing. They just don't get it. They have no idea what my writing means to me. I've only just managed to sneak on here and post this – I've got my own computer (thank GOD) – but we work on a network, and my mother has pulled my cord, which means no internet. I sneak on whenever I can, but my time is limited. And I don't see the situation letting up any time soon. Sorry, folks. Those of you who actually made it through this chapter and are looking forward to a new one, you'll be waiting for a bit. I haven't got anything down for my next chapter. My muse decided to take an unscheduled vacation to an undisclosed location – damn thing left a note that said, and I quote: "Hate you. Hate Kansas. Took Toto. Love, Dorothy." I'm not kidding. OK, I am. I got that off a T-shirt. Seriously, though. She left without telling me where she was going. Fear not, however – Vanilla Coke and chocolate chip cookie dough have been known to lure her back. I'll try to pick up some Vanilla Coke tomorrow. And maybe a pint of Ben & Jerry's… Yum! That might help to cheer me up!


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